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Office Hours with Thomas

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Office Hours - 12/21/2023

Lying

In this office hour we talk about lying, the different types of lies, what's going on emotionally and relationally when lies are told.

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Office Hours - 12/14/2023

Holding Her in High Esteem

When we do not hold her in high esteem new pain enters the relational dynamic, trust is lost, healing is prolonged. Sometimes this hurtful behavior is overt and others it is covert, either way...hurtful.

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Office Hours - 12/07/2023

Navigating the Workplace Post Discovery

Navigating the workplace post discovery takes intentional processing and action.

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Office Hours - 11/30/2023

Empathy is Character

Empathy is a characteristic to grow in, not an action to take when conversations bring up pain.

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Office Hours - 11/2/2023

Emotional Journaling to Engage Empathy

Emotional journaling is a self-intimacy tool that we can also use to help develop and grow in empathy.

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Office Hours - 10/26/2023

Framing The Conversation
In this office hour we talk about how to frame up a conversation that needs to happen in a way that is helpful, not hurtful. There are three parts to this:
1. The Invitation
2. The Conversation
3. Post Hoc Review or "How did that go?"

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Office Hours - 10/19/2023

How to Use a Quadrant to Set Targets
In this webinar we talk about using the Quadrant Tool to focus our mind, heart, body, and soul on targets, defining or describing the targets, and engaging the targets.

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Office Hours - 10/12/2023

Using BowTie for Empathy/Integration
The self-intimacy tools are helpful to gain clarity of mind, heart, body, soul. We can also use these tools to pivot to empathy and integration with your wife.

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Office Hours - 10/05/2023

Finding Agency
When we experience rejection, silence, triggers, hopelessness we have to find agency. Agency in the moment is what meets emotional needs and has best chance to keep us out of the cycles of destruction.

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Office Hours - 09/21/2023

Changing How We See and What We Do
In this office hour we take a hard look at changing how we see and what we do with what we see. We want to do this in a way that is not simply playing not to lose, but fighting to win with regards to objectifying and fantasizing in public or anywhere else.

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Office Hours - 09/14/2023

Becoming Aware and Taking Anger of the Table
How to use the backbone tool to become more aware of yourself. This is also a place to upgrade integration and empathy. Husbands, we also need to address anger and other Intimacy Aversion Techniques, and take it off the table.

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Office Hours - 09/07/2023

Bringing Her In
Doing the hard work in recovery is good. When we communicate what we are learning/growing in and how it's helpful for the relationship, recovery becomes healing and trust building.

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Office Hours - 08/31/2023

How to Engage Good Accountability
In this video we talk about how to engage good accountability from three perspectives.
1. The person who is holding himself accountable
2. The Spouse
3. The accountability partner/group

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Office Hours - 08/24/2023

Husbands Checking in with Feelings
When husbands are checking in with feelings, we have to be careful not to use this as an opportunity to throw her under the bus.

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Office Hours - 08/17/2023

Keys for Conversations
Thomas and Emma Berry talk through some Keys for Conversations. These keys can really help conversations be helpful, healing, and trust building instead of damaging and hurtful.

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Office Hours - 08/10/2023

Taking Recovery Tools Deeper
Recovery can't be about a list of tools we use for sobriety. Having a list of recovery tools is a good thing, digging deeper with the tools is what changes our character.

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Office Hours - 08/03/2023

Two Elements of Conversations
There are two elements to conversations, Data and Emotions. How the two work when conversations are connecting or not connecting and how to engage empathy to get reconnected.

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Office Hours - 07/27/2023

Intimacy Aversion Tendencies
Ways to identify a husband is in the IA cycle in recovery. Also, understanding how a wife grieving is NOT using IA techniques to thwart healing.

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Office Hours - 07/20/2023

Doing vs Being In Recovery
Doing recovery work is good, applying it to all aspects of your life is living recovery.

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Office Hours - 07/13/2023

Communication vs Dumping
In recovery we have to grow our character when it comes to communicating. We shouldn't dump thoughts/emotions/information without processing them first.

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Office Hours - 07/06/2023

Get to vs Got to
Ensuring we are engaging recovery work with the proper heart/mindset.

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Office Hours - 06/29/2023

Overcommunicating
How to let her into your processing in the painful moments that reveal your heart instead of projecting more of the past silence.

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Office Hours - 06/22/2023

Front Loading
How to bring up a conversation that has a tie to past pain in a way that is securing, safe, and speaking to your wife's significance as it relates to the topic.

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Go Back to Office Hour Coaches Home

Office Hours - 12/21/2023

Lying

In this office hour we talk about lying, the different types of lies, what's going on emotionally and relationally when lies are told.

Divider Text

Office Hours - 12/14/2023

Holding Her in High Esteem

When we do not hold her in high esteem new pain enters the relational dynamic, trust is lost, healing is prolonged. Sometimes this hurtful behavior is overt and others it is covert, either way...hurtful.

Divider Text

Office Hours - 12/07/2023

Navigating the Workplace Post Discovery

Navigating the workplace post discovery takes intentional processing and action.

Divider Text

Office Hours - 11/30/2023

Empathy is Character

Empathy is a characteristic to grow in, not an action to take when conversations bring up pain.

Divider Text

Office Hours - 11/02/2023

Emotional Journaling to Engage Empathy
Emotional journaling is a self-intimacy tool that we can also use to help develop and grow in empathy.

Divider Text

Office Hours - 10/26/2023

Framing The Conversation
In this office hour we talk about how to frame up a conversation that needs to happen in a way that is helpful, not hurtful. There are three parts to this:
1. The Invitation
2. The Conversation
3. Post Hoc Review or "How did that go?"

Divider Text

Office Hours - 10/19/2023

How to Use a Quadrant to Set Targets
In this webinar we talk about using the Quadrant Tool to focus our mind, heart, body, and soul on targets, defining or describing the targets, and engaging the targets.

Divider Text

Office Hours - 10/12/2023

Using BowTie for Empathy/Integration
The self-intimacy tools are helpful to gain clarity of mind, heart, body, soul. We can also use these tools to pivot to empathy and integration with your wife.

Divider Text

Office Hours - 10/05/2023

Finding Agency
When we experience rejection, silence, triggers, hopelessness we have to find agency. Agency in the moment is what meets emotional needs and has best chance to keep us out of the cycles of destruction.

Divider Text

Office Hours - 09/21/2023

Changing How We See and What We Do
In this office hour we take a hard look at changing how we see and what we do with what we see. We want to do this in a way that is not simply playing not to lose, but fighting to win with regards to objectifying and fantasizing in public or anywhere else.

Divider Text

Office Hours - 09/14/2023

Becoming Aware and Taking Anger of the Table
How to use the backbone tool to become more aware of yourself. This is also a place to upgrade integration and empathy. Husbands, we also need to address anger and other Intimacy Aversion Techniques, and take it off the table.

Divider Text

Office Hours - 09/07/2023

Bringing Her In
Doing the hard work in recovery is good. When we communicate what we are learning/growing in and how it's helpful for the relationship, recovery becomes healing and trust building.

Divider Text

Office Hours - 08/31/2023

How to Engage Good Accountability
In this video we talk about how to engage good accountability from three perspectives.
1. The person who is holding himself accountable
2. The Spouse
3. The accountability partner/group

Divider Text

Office Hours - 08/24/2023

Husbands Checking in with Feelings
When husbands are checking in with feelings, we have to be careful not to use this as an opportunity to throw her under the bus.

Divider Text

Office Hours - 08/17/2023

Keys for Conversations
Thomas and Emma Berry talk through some Keys for Conversations. These keys can really help conversations be helpful, healing, and trust building instead of damaging and hurtful.

Divider Text

Office Hours - 08/10/2023

Taking Recovery Tools Deeper
Recovery can't be about a list of tools we use for sobriety. Having a list of recovery tools is a good thing, digging deeper with the tools is what changes our character.

Divider Text

Office Hours - 08/03/2023

Two Elements of Conversations
There are two elements to conversations, Data and Emotions. How the two work when conversations are connecting or not connecting and how to engage empathy to get reconnected.

Divider Text

Office Hours - 07/27/2023

Intimacy Aversion Tendencies
Ways to identify a husband is in the IA cycle in recovery. Also, understanding how a wife grieving is NOT using IA techniques to thwart healing.

Divider Text

Office Hours - 07/20/2023

Doing vs Being In Recovery
Doing recovery work is good, applying it to all aspects of your life is living recovery.

Divider Text

Office Hours - 07/13/2023

Communication vs Dumping
In recovery we have to grow our character when it comes to communicating. We shouldn't dump thoughts/emotions/information without processing them first.

Divider Text

Office Hours - 07/06/2023

Get to vs Got to
Ensuring we are engaging recovery work with the proper heart/mindset.

Divider Text

Office Hours - 06/29/2023

Overcommunicating
How to let her into your processing in the painful moments that reveal your heart instead of projecting more of the past silence.

Divider Text

Office Hours - 06/22/2023

Front Loading
How to bring up a conversation that has a tie to past pain in a way that is securing, safe, and speaking to your wife's significance as it relates to the topic.

Divider Text

Go Back to Office Hour Coaches Home

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