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Office Hours 2024

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Office Hours - 11/14/2024

Holiday Prep
In this Office Hour, we look at the holidays and identify areas where husbands can take the initiative and lead with integration. We look at how to assess needs and process things that you are willing to do or willing not to do, and then we learn how to front load conversations that line up the holidays to be healing instead of hurtful.

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Office Hours - 11/12/2024

Ingredients of Humble Pie
A good pie is essential to any thanksgiving meal. Similarly, humility is essential to all personal and relational recovery work. Here are the four main ingredients of a humble pie AND some of the benefits to having one ready-made!

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Office Hours - 10/29/2024

Acting In - Not a Question of "If"
Acting In is a universal human condition. So, it’s not a question of IF we are acting in, it’s a question of WHEN, WHERE, HOW, WHY and TO WHAT DEGREE. In this video we discuss how to take a closer look at our intimacy aversion behaviors.

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Office Hours - 10/22/2024

Reality of Temptation
In this Office Hour, we discuss what sexual temptation is, what it isn’t, and what to do when we experience it.

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Office Hours - 10/17/2024

Engaging the Experience, Not the Data
To move into a place of intimacy with God, self, and others, we have to move past just sharing data. In this office hour, we talk about moving beyond sharing data by connecting it to our experience and emotions to drive growth in recovery and true intimacy.

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Office Hours - 10/10/2024

Question and Answer Session
This Office Hour is focused on answering participant questions.

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Office Hours - 10/08/2024

Making Repair
Recovery is a process, and making repair is a critical part of the process. (Pro tip: its not a question of if I need to make repair, its a question of what I need to make repair for.) This Office Hour addresses how to make that repair after a setback.

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Office Hours - 10/03/2024

Backbones, Part Two
In this Office Hour, we take a deeper look into the backbone and learn how it is not just another tool to get good at doing. We can do this by seeing how the backbone is highlighting, helping, and even healing our character.

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Office Hours - 10/01/2024

Personal and Relational Recovery
No man is an island, and neither is his recovery. Today, we discuss the reciprocal relationship of personal and relational recovery and how they impact and inform one another. Take a look!

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Office Hours - 09/26/2024

Backbones, Part One
In this Backbone Series, we talk about what the “Backbone” tool is and how it is crucial for recovery. Then we look at how to engage the Backbone Tool no matter where you are in the recovery journey (Beginning/Middle/Late).

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Office Hours - 09/24/2024

Understanding Wives Boundaries
Here is some insight into what wives boundaries are, what they are not, and how to engage them in ways that will help move your recovery process forward.

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Office Hours - 09/19/2024

Driving the Bus
When we consider what it means to drive the bus of recovery, we must consider three necessary components to successfully make the drive: Identity, Agency, and Urgency.

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Office Hours - 09/17/2024

Self-Forgiveness, Part Two
Today, we conclude our conversation about what forgiving ourselves looks like and the positive impacts it can have relationally. Check it out!

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Office Hours - 09/12/2024

How Recovery Hits the Heart
In this Office hour, we talk about how recovery tasks are designed to highlight the matters of the heart.

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Office Hours - 09/10/2024

Self-Forgiveness, Part One
If you have questions about self-forgiveness, have a hard time forgiving yourself for what you’ve done (OR if it feels a little too easy) this video is for you! In this Office Hours we start to define what Self Forgiveness is in light of what it is not. We also reflect on the negative impacts of not forgiving ourselves and how unforgiveness of our selves inhibits our ability to empathize.

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Office Hours - 09/05/2024

Tilling the Soil of Our Heart
What does it mean to till the soil of our hearts, and what does it look like?

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Office Hours - 09/03/2024

The Acting-Out Cycle
In recovery, it is critical for us to understand the Acting Out Cycle. Whether you are in early, mid or late recovery, its importing to know what your particular cycle looks like and what to do about it. This will help!

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Office Hours - 08/29/2024

Grieving Together, Part Three
In this office hour, we talk about grieving the relationship and what we thought it was compared to what it really was. Part of entering this piece of grieving is that we have to see that all pieces of our lives are tainted or changed by our betrayal so we can walk through the grieving stages together as we pursue redemption post discovery.

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Office Hours - 08/27/2024

Root Work Basics
In this office hour, we talk about how to use a timeline to connect to pain points from our past. This helps us better understand what our wounds are, what our needs are, and how to more effectively coach the kid.

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Office Hours - 08/20/2024

Understand, Validate, Empathize
If you keep getting bogged down in the midst of a hard conversation, the UVE framework might help.

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Office Hours - 08/15/2024

Grieving Together, Part Two
In this Office Hour, we talk about grief from the perspective of what is being grieved by a husband as he learns to be a new man and leaves behind the old self and concept of who he was.

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Office Hours - 08/08/2024

Grieving Together, Part One
In this Office Hour, we talk about grief from the perspective of what is being grieved post discovery, disclosure, and beyond. We also talk about how husbands can be a part of the grieving process by providing safety, security, and significance.

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Office Hours - 08/06/2024

Defensiveness
In this office hour, we engage questions around defensiveness, such as, what I am defending, who I am defending against, and should I do when I feel defensive. Check it out!

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Office Hours - 08/01/2024

Bridging the Gap
Sometimes husbands and wives experience things differently and remember them differently. When this happens, it creates an emotional/relational gap. In this office hour, we talk about some common examples of how this happens and some steps to take to bridge the gap that are healing and intimate.

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Office Hours - 07/30/2024

Making Sense of Sexual Dreams
In this Office Hour, we discuss some key aspects of sexual dreams, including guilt, shame, empathy and how to process them. If you have questions around how to make sense of sexual dreams, start here.

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Office Hours - 07/25/2024

Anger
In this office hour we address anger: what it is, destructive ways we have engaged anger, and healthy ways to move through anger utilizing the Anger Tree and the Backbone.

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Office Hours - 07/18/2024

Coaching the Kid
When our inner kid is activated by the life situations we are in today, we have work to do. In this office hour we talk about ways to identify when the kid is active, how to address the kid, and what he needs.

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Office Hours - 07/16/2024

The Reality of Temptation
In this Office Hour, we discuss what sexual temptation is, what it isn’t, and what to do when we experience it.

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Office Hours - 07/11/2024

Answer to RLA Questions: Engaging with my wife’s family post-betrayal, and identifying needs in defensiveness
In this Office Hour, we answer questions sent in through the Academy. First, we talk about what needs to be considered when engaging with our wives’ family post-discovery of our betrayal. Second, we address what our defensiveness reveals about our underlying needs.

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Office Hours - 07/02/2024

Violations of Conscience
In this Office Hour, we make sense of the “small” things that cause us to live in shame and what to do with it.

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Office Hours - 06/27/2024

Intimacy Aversion as a Response to a Need for Safety
In this Office Hour, we talk about how hurtful it is when a wife is assessing her safety, and her husband meets her need with Intimacy Aversion (One of the Cycles of Destruction). What can we do to change this dynamic in relational recovery?

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Office Hours - 06/25/2024

How to Navigate Conflict
Jordan and Kate discuss the importance of seeing through the moment and connecting to the larger story in the mist of conflict and disagreement.

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Office Hours - 06/18/2024

Proactive and Reactive Recovery Work
In this Office Hour, we talk about the importance of doing good proactive recovery work so that we are prepared and equipped to do good reactive recovery work. Check it out!

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Office Hours - 06/13/2024

Locus of Control
What will help us to live recovery and life in the proper locus? In this Office Hour, we talk about the different types and sources of control in recovery and where good recovery work happens.

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Office Hours - 06/11/2024

Motors of Recovery
In this Office Hour, we talk about who our recovery is for and how that impacts our motivation.

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Office Hours - 06/06/2024

Answer to an RLA Question about Asking Tough Questions
In this office hour, we answer an RLA Member’s question about the things that get in the way of asking hard questions and having hard conversations. Today, we learn how to acknowledge the pain and the elephants in the room.

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Office Hours - 05/30/2024

Answer to an RLA Question about Validation
In this office hour, we answer an RLA Member’s question about what is happening when his attempts at validation fall flat or feel rote. Also, we discuss how to work towards validation that is meaningful and healing.

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Office Hours - 05/28/2024

Understanding the Impact
In this office Hour, we use The Quadrants Tool to gain a deeper understanding of the impact our behavior has on ourselves and the people around us. Understanding this impact can help drive our empathy and motivate us to engage in intimacy.

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Office Hours - 05/23/2024

Answer to an RLA Question about Navigating Sex Post Betrayal
In this Office Hour, we spend time discussing a question about navigating physical intimacy after betrayal, and it starts with an understanding that sexual intimacy is not the doorway to deeper connection.

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Office Hours - 05/21/2024

Better Communication Starts with Integration
In this Office Hour, we spend time discussing the importance of Integration in communication as well as discussing the UVE framework for communication.

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Office Hours - 05/16/2024

Trust Building with FITNAPs
Using the components of Trust Building taught last week, we get a better understanding of how FITNAPs are not only intimacy building but also trust building.

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Office Hours - 05/14/2024

Priming my Heart
It is important for us to have our hearts in the right place before trying to connect with our wives. Today, we cover practical steps to help us do just that.

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Office Hours - 05/09/2024

Trust Building
In this office hour, we talk about the essential elements and heart-position required for real trust building in recovery.

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Office Hours - 05/07/2024

Recovery Metaphors
A discussion of Recovery Metaphors and how they can help give us a fresh perspective on recovery.

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Office Hours - 05/02/2024

Intimacy Ladder
An Intimacy Ladder is a framework for gaining perspective and making sure I'm focused on the most important thing.

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Office Hours - 04/30/2024

Engaging with Negative Emotions
How to engage in a heathy and constructive way when we experience negative emotions.

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Office Hours - 04/25/2024

Making Friends with Rejection
In this office hour, we talk about two types of rejection (perceived and real) and how to process and respond in healthy ways when we feel rejected.

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Office Hours - 04/23/2024

Vows
A vow is a sacred promise we make to ourselves for how we need to show up in the world to protect ourselves and get our needs met. Understanding our vow and its origins can help us make sense (in part) of what drives us to feel how we feel, think what we think, and do what we do. This video can help you get started on discovering your vow.

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Office Hours - 04/18/2024

Public Versus Private Recovery
Things to consider when a husbands recovery seems solid in public but shaky behind closed doors.

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Office Hours - 04/11/2024

Removing Barriers to Intimacy and Empathy
In today’s discussion, we talk about a relational dynamic that is common in recovery when a wife gets triggered, and a husband’s response is more hurtful than helpful. What’s needed is intimacy and empathy, but what a wife often receives is defensiveness, shutting down, or avoiding altogether.

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Office Hours - 04/09/2024

Understanding the Three I's
What they are, where they originated, how they impact me, and what to do when they get activated.

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Office Hours - 04/04/2024

Spiritual and Emotional Highs
Spiritual and emotional highs are valid and helpful places of light as we wrestle through dark places in recovery; however, they can become reasons to let off the gas. These times of deep spiritual and emotional highs should be experiences that propel us towards humility, consistency, and authenticity.

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Office Hours - 04/02/2024

Making Sense of Why
"Why did I do what I did” is a complex and difficult question to answer. Here are some ways to engage that question and makes sense of why.

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Office Hours - 03/28/2024

Processing Intrusive and Resentful Thoughts with the Quadrant Tool
In this office hour, we engage the Quadrant Tool to process dysfunctional thoughts and land in healthy places.

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Office Hours - 03/26/2024

Stop, Drop, and Roll
A strategy for getting out of the Intimacy Aversion Cycle.

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Office Hours - 03/21/2024

Emotional Journaling, Part 5 of 5
This concludes a 5-week series on Emotional Journaling. In this office hour, we talk about how to use the emotional journaling process to sit in the emotional pain that have been identified in steps 1-4, identify needs, and move towards intimacy to meet the needs.

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Office Hours - 03/19/2024

Developing More Compassion and Tenderness

How to develop more compassion and tenderness for our wives by getting more intimately aquatinted with their story.

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Office Hours - 03/14/2024

Emotional Journaling, Part 4 of 5
We can build on the first three stages/steps of emotional journaling to make a training ground for triggers and painful conversations, but we have to practice.

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Office Hours - 03/12/2024

Enmeshment, Detachment, and Differentiation

Unpacking the difference between Enmeshment, Detachment, and Differentiation

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Office Hours - 03/07/2024

Emotional Journaling, Part 3 of 5
In this office hour, we talk about growing in connection with our wives through what we are connecting to and writing about in our emotional journaling.

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Office Hours - 03/05/2024

New Culture - Saying Yes to the Important
We all have a limited capacity and a lot of responsibility. We must work to create margin in life and recovery so that we can say yes to the most important things. This simple diagram can help make sense of what those important things are and how we get the most “bang” for our yes.

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Office Hours - 02/29/2024

Emotional Journaling, Part 2 of 5
Once we have the experience of growth in our emotions and understanding the why in the moment, we need to make some different connections. We can use the emotion and its magnitude to make connections to the formative years of our lives. We talk about the how and why of this work in this office hours.

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Office Hours - 02/22/2024

Emotional Journaling, Part 1 of 5
This is the first of a 5-part series on emotional journaling. Emotional journaling is the starting line...not the finish line. Emotional journaling is intimacy with self, and it gets us grounded, connected, present with ourselves, our surroundings, and our situations.

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Office Hours - 02/20/2024

Identify and Anticipate Triggers
How to use the Bow Tie Diagram to identify and anticipate potential triggers, AND how to engage them before the happen using the Front Loading Process.

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Office Hours - 02/15/2024

Seeing Though the Moment
Sometimes when we are engaged in conversations around pain, we have work to do in the moment to stay grounded, present, and safe emotionally. In this office hour we talk about how to do this.

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Office Hours - 02/13/2024

Creating a New Culture
Every "yes" is a thousand "no's. In recovery we have to be saying yes to the things that build into the new culture that we are trying to create in our relationships with God, Self, and Others. In this video we talk about the importance of identifying our values, rhythms, and boundaries that help us create a new culture in our relationships and in our lives.

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Office Hours - 02/08/2024

Engaging Words/Touch Post Discovery
Engaging the phrase "I love you" and physical non-sexual touch post discovery can be triggering. We talk about ways to engage prior to saying "I love you" or leaning in for physical touch that creates emotional safety, intimacy, and deeper connection.

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Office Hours - 02/06/2024

Johari's Window
The Johari Window is a way to conceptualize how we move from unawareness of my faults and flaws to a place of true character change.

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Office Hours - 02/01/2024

New Recovery Tool
A simple way to look at the recovery tools you are engaging and assess what you are learning from them, how they are impacting your life, and how often you are sharing your journey with your wife.

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Office Hours - 01/30/2024

The VIM Model for Change
If you are feeling stuck, you may need to recast the vision where you are going and recommit to your intention to change. This Office Hour can help with that.

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Office Hours - 01/25/2024

The Tool is the Tool
We often encourage the recovery tools like "The Backbone" to help process in real-time. Sometimes the message heard is "The tool is the answer" but we have to dig into the results of the tools, ultimately taking recovery from our head to our heart.

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Office Hours - 01/23/2024

Making Friends with the Work
If you are in recovery, the work is your friend. Recovery work is the road to healing the broken and dysfunctional parts of our life and our deepest relationships. The work is the way to healing, not the burden to carry or the list of tasks to complete to stay married to your wife.

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Office Hours - 01/18/2024

Who Am I?
How we process the question of "Who am I?" can be done from three perspectives.
1. Identity
2. Assessing how I'm living.
3. The Character of the Man I'm becoming

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Office Hours - 01/11/2024

Communication
Communicating what is happening internally in your recovery is so important for building trust. Here are a couple simple ways to do this consistently.

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Office Hours - 01/4/2024

New Year New ResolveAs we come into the new year there are things that can happen and things that probably should happen in your recovery.

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Office Hours - 01/02/2024

Identifying and Dealing with Unmet Needs
The cycles of Acting In/Out all leave us with unmet needs. In this office hour Jason talks through how to identify what your needs are and some examples of what it looks like to attempt to get those needs met in healthy ways.

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Office Hours - 11/14/2024

Holiday Prep
In this Office Hour, we look at the holidays and identify areas where husbands can take the initiative and lead with integration. We look at how to assess needs and process things that you are willing to do or willing not to do, and then we learn how to front load conversations that line up the holidays to be healing instead of hurtful.

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Office Hours - 11/12/2024

Ingredients of Humble Pie
A good pie is essential to any thanksgiving meal. Similarly, humility is essential to all personal and relational recovery work. Here are the four main ingredients of a humble pie AND some of the benefits to having one ready-made!

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Office Hours - 11/07/2024

Holidays and Family Systems
Hey guys,

I messed up the recording in the office hours. That being said, we don’t have the footage to release this week. However, if you wanted to get a refresh on Holidays and Family Systems, hop into the Office Hour Archives and check out the two Office Hours Jason did on 11/14/2023 and 11/28/2023.

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Office Hours - 11/05/2024

The Amends Matrix
(Almost) Everything is related to Betrayal. Here is a framework for how to address past and current pain using the Amends Matrix.

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Office Hours - 10/29/2024

Acting In - Not a Question of "If"
Acting In is a universal human condition. So, it’s not a question of IF we are acting in, it’s a question of WHEN, WHERE, HOW, WHY and TO WHAT DEGREE. In this video we discuss how to take a closer look at our intimacy aversion behaviors.

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Office Hours - 10/22/2024

Reality of Temptation
In this Office Hour, we discuss what sexual temptation is, what it isn’t, and what to do when we experience it.

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Office Hours - 10/17/2024

Engaging the Experience, Not the Data
To move into a place of intimacy with God, self, and others, we have to move past just sharing data. In this office hour, we talk about moving beyond sharing data by connecting it to our experience and emotions to drive growth in recovery and true intimacy.

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Office Hours - 10/10/2024

Question and Answer Session
This Office Hour is focused on answering participant questions.

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Office Hours - 10/08/2024

Making Repair
Recovery is a process, and making repair is a critical part of the process. (Pro tip: its not a question of if I need to make repair, its a question of what I need to make repair for.) This Office Hour addresses how to make that repair after a setback.

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Office Hours - 10/03/2024

Backbones, Part Two
In this Office Hour, we take a deeper look into the backbone and learn how it is not just another tool to get good at doing. We can do this by seeing how the backbone is highlighting, helping, and even healing our character.

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Office Hours - 10/01/2024

Personal and Relational Recovery
No man is an island, and neither is his recovery. Today, we discuss the reciprocal relationship of personal and relational recovery and how they impact and inform one another. Take a look!

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Office Hours - 09/26/2024

Backbones, Part One
In this Backbone Series, we talk about what the “Backbone” tool is and how it is crucial for recovery. Then we look at how to engage the Backbone Tool no matter where you are in the recovery journey (Beginning/Middle/Late).

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Office Hours - 09/24/2024

Understanding Wives Boundaries
Here is some insight into what wives boundaries are, what they are not, and how to engage them in ways that will help move the recovery process forward.

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Office Hours - 09/19/2024

Driving the Bus
When we consider what it means to drive the bus of recovery, we must consider three necessary components to successfully make the drive: Identity, Agency, and Urgency.

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Office Hours - 09/17/2024

Self-Forgiveness, Part Two
Today, we conclude our conversation about what forgiving ourselves looks like and the positive impacts it can have relationally. Check it out!

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Office Hours - 09/12/2024

How Recovery Hits the Heart
In this Office hour, we talk about how recovery tasks are designed to highlight the matters of the heart.

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Office Hours - 09/10/2024

Self-Forgiveness, Part One
If you have questions about self-forgiveness, have a hard time forgiving yourself for what you’ve done (OR if it feels a little too easy) this video is for you! In this Office Hours we start to define what Self Forgiveness is in light of what it is not. We also reflect on the negative impacts of not forgiving ourselves and how unforgiveness of our selves inhibits our ability to empathize.

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Office Hours - 09/05/2024

Tilling the Soil of Our Heart
In this Office hour, we talk about how the recovery tasks are designed to highlight the matters of the heart.

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Office Hours - 09/03/2024

The Acting-Out Cycle
In recovery, it is critical for us to understand the Acting Out Cycle. Whether you are in early, mid or late recovery, its importing to know what your particular cycle looks like and what to do about it. This will help!

Divider Text

Office Hours - 08/29/2024

Grieving Together, Part Three
In this office hour, we talk about grieving the relationship and what we thought it was compared to what it really was. Part of entering this piece of grieving is that we have to see that all pieces of our lives are tainted or changed by our betrayal so we can walk through the grieving stages together as we pursue redemption post discovery.

Divider Text

Office Hours - 08/27/2024

Root Work Basics
In this office hour, we talk about how to use a timeline to connect to pain points from our past. This helps us better understand what our wounds are, what our needs are, and how to more effectively coach the kid.

Divider Text

Office Hours - 08/20/2024

Understand, Validate, Empathize
If you keep getting bogged down in the midst of a hard conversation, the UVE framework might help.

Divider Text

Office Hours - 08/15/2024

Grieving Together, Part Two
In this Office Hour, we talk about grief from the perspective of what is being grieved by a husband as he learns to be a new man and leaves behind the old self and concept of who he was.

Divider Text

Office Hours - 08/08/2024

Grieving Together, Part One
In this Office Hour, we talk about grief from the perspective of what is being grieved post discovery, disclosure, and beyond. We also talk about how husbands can be a part of the grieving process by providing safety, security, and significance.

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Office Hours - 08/06/2024

Defensiveness
In this office hour, we engage questions around defensiveness, such as, what I am defending, who I am defending against, and should I do when I feel defensive. Check it out!

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Office Hours - 08/01/2024

Bridging the Gap
Sometimes husbands and wives experience things differently and remember them differently. When this happens, it creates an emotional/relational gap. In this office hour, we talk about some common examples of how this happens and some steps to take to bridge the gap that are healing and intimate.

Divider Text

Office Hours - 07/30/2024

Making Sense of Sexual Dreams
In this Office Hour, we discuss some key aspects of sexual dreams, including guilt, shame, empathy and how to process them. If you have questions around how to make sense of sexual dreams, start here.

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Office Hours - 07/25/2024

Anger
In this office hour we address anger: what it is, destructive ways we have engaged anger, and healthy ways to move through anger utilizing the Anger Tree and the Backbone.

Divider Text

Office Hours - 07/18/2024

Coaching the Kid
When our inner kid is activated by the life situations we are in today, we have work to do. In this office hour we talk about ways to identify when the kid is active, how to address the kid, and what he needs.

Divider Text

Office Hours - 07/16/2024

The Reality of Temptation
In this Office Hour, we discuss what sexual temptation is, what it isn’t, and what to do when we experience it.

Divider Text

Office Hours - 07/11/2024

Answer to RLA Questions: Engaging with my wife’s family post-betrayal, and identifying needs in defensiveness
In this Office Hour, we answer questions sent in through the Academy. First, we talk about what needs to be considered when engaging with our wives’ family post-discovery of our betrayal. Second, we address what our defensiveness reveals about our underlying needs.

Divider Text

Office Hours - 07/02/2024

Violations of Conscience
In this Office Hour, we make sense of the “small” things that cause us to live in shame and what to do with it.

Divider Text

Office Hours - 06/27/2024

Intimacy Aversion as a Response to a Need for Safety
In this Office Hour, we talk about how hurtful it is when a wife is assessing her safety, and her husband meets her need with Intimacy Aversion (One of the Cycles of Destruction). What can we do to change this dynamic in relational recovery?

Divider Text

Office Hours - 06/25/2024

How to Navigate Conflict
Jordan and Kate discuss the importance of seeing through the moment and connecting to the larger story in the mist of conflict and disagreement.

Divider Text

Office Hours - 06/18/2024

Proactive and Reactive Recovery Work
In this Office Hour, we talk about the importance of doing good proactive recovery work so that we are prepared and equipped to do good reactive recovery work. Check it out!

Divider Text

Office Hours - 06/13/2024

Locus of Control
What will help us to live recovery and life in the proper locus? In this Office Hour, we talk about the different types and sources of control in recovery and where good recovery work happens.

Divider Text

Office Hours - 06/11/2024

Motors of Recovery
In this Office Hour, we talk about who our recovery is for and how that impacts our motivation.

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Office Hours - 06/06/2024

Answer to an RLA Question about Asking Tough Questions
In this office hour, we answer an RLA Member’s question about the things that get in the way of asking hard questions and having hard conversations. Today, we learn how to acknowledge the pain and the elephants in the room.

Divider Text

Office Hours - 05/30/2024

Answer to an RLA Question about Validation
In this office hour, we answer an RLA Member’s question about what is happening when his attempts at validation fall flat or feel rote. Also, we discuss how to work towards validation that is meaningful and healing.

Divider Text

Office Hours - 05/28/2024

Understanding the Impact
In this office Hour, we use The Quadrants Tool to gain a deeper understanding of the impact our behavior has on ourselves and the people around us. Understanding this impact can help drive our empathy and motivate us to engage in intimacy.

Divider Text

Office Hours - 05/23/2024

Answer to an RLA Question about Navigating Sex Post Betrayal
In this Office Hour, we spend time discussing a question about navigating physical intimacy after betrayal, and it starts with an understanding that sexual intimacy is not the doorway to deeper connection.

Divider Text

Office Hours - 05/21/2024

Better Communication Starts with Integration
In this Office Hour, we spend time discussing the importance of Integration in communication as well as discussing the UVE framework for communication.

Divider Text

Office Hours - 05/16/2024

Trust Building with FITNAPs
Using the components of Trust Building taught last week, we get a better understanding of how FITNAPs are not only intimacy building but also trust building.

Divider Text

Office Hours - 05/14/2024

Priming my Heart
It is important for us to have our hearts in the right place before trying to connect with our wives. Today, we cover practical steps to help us do just that.

Divider Text

Office Hours - 05/09/2024

Trust Building
In this office hour, we talk about the essential elements and heart-position required for real trust building in recovery.

Divider Text

Office Hours - 05/07/2024

Recovery Metaphors
A discussion of Recovery Metaphors and how they can help give us a fresh perspective on recovery.

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Office Hours - 05/02/2024

Intimacy Ladder
An Intimacy Ladder is a framework for gaining perspective and making sure I'm focused on the most important thing.

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Office Hours - 04/30/2024

Engaging with Negative Emotions
How to engage in a heathy and constructive way when we experience negative emotions.

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Office Hours - 04/25/2024

Making Friends with Rejection
In this office hour, we talk about two types of rejection (perceived and real) and how to process and respond in healthy ways when we feel rejected.

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Office Hours - 04/23/2024

Vows
A vow is a sacred promise we make to ourselves for how we need to show up in the world to protect ourselves and get our needs met. Understanding our vow and its origins can help us make sense (in part) of what drives us to feel how we feel, think what we think, and do what we do. This video can help you get started on discovering your vow.

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Office Hours - 04/18/2024

Public Versus Private Recovery
Things to consider when a husbands recovery seems solid in public but shaky behind closed doors.

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Office Hours - 04/11/2024

Removing Barriers to Intimacy and Empathy
In today’s discussion, we talk about a relational dynamic that is common in recovery when a wife gets triggered, and a husband’s response is more hurtful than helpful. What’s needed is intimacy and empathy, but what a wife often receives is defensiveness, shutting down, or avoiding altogether.

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Office Hours - 04/09/2024

Understanding the Three I's
What they are, where they originated, how they impact me, and what to do when they get activated.

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Office Hours - 04/04/2024

Spiritual and Emotional Highs
Spiritual and emotional highs are valid and helpful places of light as we wrestle through dark places in recovery; however, they can become reasons to let off the gas. These times of deep spiritual and emotional highs should be experiences that propel us towards humility, consistency, and authenticity.

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Office Hours - 04/02/2024

Making Sense of Why
“Why did I do what I did” is a complex and difficult question to answer. Here are some ways to engage that question and makes sense of why.

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Office Hours - 03/28/2024

Processing Intrusive and Resentful Thoughts with the Quadrant Tool
In this office hour, we engage the Quadrant Tool to process dysfunctional thoughts and land in healthy places.

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Office Hours - 03/26/2024

Stop, Drop, and Roll
A strategy for getting out of the Intimacy Aversion Cycle.

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Office Hours - 03/21/2024

Emotional Journaling, Part 5 of 5
This concludes a 5-week series on Emotional Journaling. In this office hour, we talk about how to use the emotional journaling process to sit in the emotional pain that have been identified in steps 1-4, identify needs, and move towards intimacy to meet the needs.

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Office Hours - 03/19/2024

Developing More Compassion and Tenderness
How to develop more compassion and tenderness for our wives by getting more intimately aquatinted with their story.

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Office Hours - 03/14/2024

Emotional Journaling, Part 4 of 5
We can build on the first three stages/steps of emotional journaling to make a training ground for triggers and painful conversations, but we have to practice.

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Office Hours - 03/12/2024

Enmeshment, Detachment, and Differentiation
Unpacking the difference between Enmeshment, Detachment, and Differentiation

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Office Hours - 03/07/2024

Emotional Journaling, Part 3 of 5
In this office hour, we talk about growing in connection with our wives through what we are connecting to and writing about in our emotional journaling.

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Office Hours - 03/05/2024

New Culture - Saying Yes to the Important
We all have a limited capacity and a lot of responsibility. We must work to create margin in life and recovery so that we can say yes to the most important things. This simple diagram can help make sense of what those important things are and how we get the most “bang” for our yes.

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Office Hours - 02/29/2024

Emotional Journaling, Part 2 of 5
Once we have the experience of growth in our emotions and understanding the why in the moment, we need to make some different connections. We can use the emotion and its magnitude to make connections to the formative years of our lives. We talk about the how and why of this work in this office hours.

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Office Hours - 02/22/2024

Emotional Journaling, Part 1 of 5
This is the first of a 5-part series on emotional journaling. Emotional journaling is the starting line...not the finish line. Emotional journaling is intimacy with self, and it gets us grounded, connected, present with ourselves, our surroundings, and our situations.

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Office Hours - 02/20/2024

Identify and Anticipate Triggers
How to use the Bow Tie Diagram to identify and anticipate potential triggers, AND how to engage them before the happen using the Front Loading Process.

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Office Hours - 02/15/2024

Seeing Though the Moment
Sometimes when we are engaged in conversations around pain, we have work to do in the moment to stay grounded, present, and safe emotionally. In this office hour we talk about how to do this.

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Office Hours - 02/13/2024

Creating a New Culture
Every "yes" is a thousand "no's. In recovery we have to be saying yes to the things that build into the new culture that we are trying to create in our relationships with God, Self, and Others. In this video we talk about the importance of identifying our values, rhythms, and boundaries that help us create a new culture in our relationships and in our lives.

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Office Hours - 02/08/2024

Engaging Words/Touch Post Discovery
Engaging the phrase "I love you" and physical non-sexual touch post discovery can be triggering. We talk about ways to engage prior to saying "I love you" or leaning in for physical touch that creates emotional safety, intimacy, and deeper connection.

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Office Hours - 02/06/2024

Johari's Window
The Johari Window is a way to conceptualize how we move from unawareness of my faults and flaws to a place of true character change.

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Office Hours - 02/01/2024

New Recovery Tool
A simple way to look at the recovery tools you are engaging and assess what you are learning from them, how they are impacting your life, and how often you are sharing your journey with your wife.

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Office Hours - 01/30/2024

The VIM Model for Change
If you are feeling stuck, you may need to recast the vision where you are going and recommit to your intention to change. This Office Hour can help with that.

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Office Hours - 01/25/2024

The Tool is the Tool
We often encourage the recovery tools like "The Backbone" to help process in real-time. Sometimes the message heard is "The tool is the answer" but we have to dig into the results of the tools, ultimately taking recovery from our head to our heart.

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Office Hours - 01/23/2024

Making Friends with the Work
If you are in recovery, the work is your friend. Recovery work is the road to healing the broken and dysfunctional parts of our life and our deepest relationships. The work is the way to healing, not the burden to carry or the list of tasks to complete to stay married to your wife.

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Office Hours - 01/18/2024

Who Am I?
How we process the question of "Who am I?" can be done from three perspectives.
1. Identity
2. Assessing how I'm living.
3. The Character of the Man I'm becoming

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Office Hours - 01/11/2024

Communication
Communicating what is happening internally in your recovery is so important for building trust. Here are a couple simple ways to do this consistently.

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Office Hours - 01/4/2024

New Year New Resolve
As we come into the new year there are things that can happen and things that probably should happen in your recovery.

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Office Hours - 01/02/2024

Identifying and Dealing with Unmet Needs
The cycles of Acting In/Out all leave us with unmet needs. In this office hour Jason talks through how to identify what your needs are and some examples of what it looks like to attempt to get those needs met in healthy ways.

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